


Rules of Survival

by EryiScrye (SomberSecrets)



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, It's Tough Being Jaime's Friend, Where DID Podrick Come From?, although the bakery is not discussed extensively, jon pov, poor Jon - Freeform, shhh just go with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:26:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25896676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomberSecrets/pseuds/EryiScrye
Summary: Once upon a time, many, many years ago, when Jon had first met Jaime Lannister, then heir to Lannister Corp., the Golden Lion had absolutely captivated him. When Jaime had spoken to him that first time, electric fire had practically shot through his veins, warming his blood and nearly setting him aflame. Jaime had been golden and handsome, smirking and dangerous, collected and cool.And Jaime was still those first two things though a touch more silver. Everything else though… was only half true… at best. Jon would never use the words collected and cool to describe Jaime Lannister ever again. He didn’t think he would physically be able to. Not after everything he’d had to bear witness to. No, Jaime was the opposite of collected and cool, especially when it came to one Brienne Tarth.
Relationships: Jaime Lannister/Brienne of Tarth
Comments: 107
Kudos: 226
Collections: Jaime x Brienne Fic Exchange 2020





	Rules of Survival

**Author's Note:**

  * For [winterkill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/winterkill/gifts).



> Thank you to Slips, Fire, and Nire for organizing the exchange. Also thank you to those who helped me brainstorm the madness.
> 
> This fic is about 20% this prompt: Accidental kid acquisition, and the kid is baby book!Podrick. Can be a modern AU or canon AU.
> 
> And 2000% this prompt: Fic where Jaime annoys the shit out of Jon with his Brienne obsession. Book canon or modern AU.
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

Jon watched Jaime watch Brienne gently wipe icing sugar off of Podrick’s face and felt like he had to question who the child between the four of them was. By the near puffed cheeks and ridiculous pout on Jaime Lannister’s face, the child certainly wasn’t the six year old. He genuinely wondered if he would have to stop Jaime from patting sugar onto his cheeks and running to Brienne for help later on in the day. Actually no, Jon didn’t have to wonder. He wouldn’t stop Jaime _when_ the man went seeking out for Brienne. 

Once upon a time, many, many years ago, when Jon had first met Jaime Lannister, then heir to Lannister Corp., the Golden Lion had absolutely captivated him. When Jaime had spoken to him that first time, electric fire had practically shot through his veins, warming his blood and nearly setting him aflame. Jaime had been golden and handsome, smirking and dangerous, collected and cool.

And Jaime was still those first two things though a touch more silver. Everything else though… was only half true… at best. Jon would never use the words collected and cool to describe Jaime Lannister ever again. He didn’t think he would physically be able to. Not after everything he’d had to bear witness to. No, Jaime was the opposite of collected and cool, especially when it came to one Brienne Tarth.

“I don’t understand why the kid is so scared of me,” Jaime mumbled petulantly as he crossed and then uncrossed his legs, his fingers tapping incessantly on the tabletop. Jon knew that Jaime was resisting the urge to just trample over to the other table, frightened child be damned. But, although few people knew this, Jaime quite liked children, and wouldn’t actively do something to scare one, much less terrorize one that was already frightened. Therefore, Podrick’s fear of Jaime meant that they couldn’t sit with Brienne at lunch or spend time with her after work like they usually did. Rightfully, she had chosen her little charge over two fully-grown men, even if one of them wasn’t quite acting like it at the moment. And Jon, stupidly, felt bad enough for Jaime that he couldn’t just abandon the man either, although Jaime frequently grated at Jon’s sanity.

“I honestly don’t know either,” Jon replied and sipped his calming, chamomile tea. The first rule to surviving Jaime’s borderline obsession with Brienne was to _never_ have caffeine. 

Jaime turned to him and was about to bite back before he realized that doing so would only prove the point. Instead he sighed and Jon prepared himself for the onslaught, “I mean, I get why he’s not scared of _her_ ,” Jaime’s eyes drifted back to Brienne who was now helping Podrick poke his juice box with a straw. “I mean look at her, Jon, she’s freaking amazing. So gentle and kind…” If people had had the ability to melt into puddles of love sick goo, Jon would be watching him do so right now, “I’m actually surprised kids don’t latch onto her more often.”

Jon snorted and thought of his cousins, of Jaime’s niece and nephews.

Jaime’s lip quirked and he had to laugh at himself at least a little, “Okay, more kids. _More_ often.”

He didn’t need to know that the first kid Jon had actually thought of was most definitely him.

* * *

Jon pulled the last cake of the day out of the oven and was about to put it on the cooling rack and then pass his penultimate creation over to Jaime. However, instead he found that he wasn’t at his station. This could only mean that Podrick was in the bathroom and otherwise too preoccupied to require all of Brienne’s attention. 

Heaving a heavy sigh, Jon looked over to where the bread kitchen was and sure enough, there he was, bright blue buttercream icing swiped a little bit too cleanly over the apple of his cheek. Jaime was chatting with Brienne like he hadn’t purposefully dabbed a glob on his face with a singular purpose. It was honestly a miracle that Jaime hadn’t tried the age old seduction technique of swiping some icing on his lips and asking Brienne to help him clean it off with her own.

And sure enough, instead of making fun of Jaime, _a professional cake decorator_ , for getting icing all over himself, or asking him why he so often got _blue_ icing in particular on his damn face, she took one of her kitchen towels and gently wiped the sugary concoction away with more than the due diligence that should be afforded to the Lannister. Jon was pretty sure the kitchen towel in question was dedicated solely to cleaning Jaime up and if Jaime would just not be captivated by her eyes for just one second, maybe he would question why Brienne had a heart print towel always on hand for him, which was probably extra soft and always free of flour.

Then Podrick reappeared and Brienne shooed Jaime away with almost fascinating haste. His walk back to the decorating station was like that of a man spurned by idle affections.

It was ridiculous.

There was nothing idle about Brienne’s affections.

“Pass me the cake, Snow,” Jaime grumbled as he resituated himself in front of his vast collection of sheets of fondant, Highgarden piping tips and bowls of ganache and buttercream.

Jon sighed and tried, _again_ for what was probably the millionth time, “Jaime… I don’t know how you can’t see—“

“See her, Jon?” Jaime sighed, his eyes got all big and sparkly. “Look at how much Podrick adores her. You don’t know what I wouldn’t give to have her standing behind me, her hands over mine as she taught me how to knead bread.”

Jon let out a long-suffering breath. The second rule of surviving Jaime’s borderline obsession with Brienne was to never take getting interrupted with Brienne-centric asides personally. “You already know how to knead bread.”

“But I don’t know how to knead bread with Brienne’s hands on mine.”

There was honestly no response for that.

* * *

Now, the sudden appearance of little Podrick Payne was a curious case. 

For once, Jon was convinced by one of Jaime’s Brienne-centric ramblings. And the conclusion was thus. The six year old boy, small for his age, had literally come out of nowhere. “She didn’t _tell_ me that he appeared in a haze of smoke, but she didn’t need to. Her actions spoke louder than words. She just shrugged when I asked her. Just. Shrugged. Jon. Brienne _never_ just shrugs.”

And he had a point. Jaime was the type of person that would just shrug when someone asked him a question, but Brienne didn’t operate that way.

“She always answers people’s questions when they ask her, honestly and to the best of her ability. She’s so fucking considerate about what she says and is forth coming about what she doesn’t know. She even suggests resources to turn to when she feels like she can’t give the best answer. Who the fuck does that in this day and age? The normal response is to tell them to just ask the Three-Eyed Raven.”

“Maybe she just wants to keep some things to herself sometimes,” Jon suggested.

Jaime looked mildly scandalized, “I mean _yes_ , but…”

“You don’t know _everything_ about her.” 

He looked even more offended. And then he looked infatuated again. It was honestly a miracle that any cakes ever got decorated, what with the bread kitchen right in the line of sight of Jaime’s station. “I mean I don’t know her from the tips of her toes to the top of her head, but given the chance—“ Jaime’s light and longing tone suddenly became rumbly and longing.

Jon smacked the counter several times and saw from the corner of his eye Brienne turn towards them in curiosity, “Stop!” he demanded. Brienne tilted her head and narrowed her eyes at them, but Podrick quickly re-commanded her attention and she lifted him up so that he could see the buns baking in the top most oven.

Jaime tossed him a leonine smirk and Jon tried not to blush like an infatuated teenager… or Brienne. Jon had been trying to build up resistance for years, but first impressions mattered and although Jaime was the most annoying person Jon knew, he was also fundamentally a good person at heart. Curses. “But Podrick isn’t giving me the chance. Why doesn’t Podrick like me? Usually I have to first open my mouth before someone decides they dislike me.”

“Usually,” Jon couldn’t help but snort. He knew of several people who had decided they didn’t like Jaime before he had deigned open his mouth. Funnily enough, Brienne had reportedly been one of those people a long, long time ago in a time before time. Oh how things changed.

Jaime shot him another smirk before it once again reverted to a pout, “I don’t know if I’m more upset that I can’t spend time with Brienne or that a small child has irrationally decided he hates me.”

Jon knew the answer to that, but he would let Jaime pretend he lived in a world that didn’t center on the tall woman with the astonishing, big, blue eyes. “He’s not going to be around forever. There’s no way that he _actually_ came from nowhere.”

“I suppose.”

He sighed, “It’s not the end of the world if you can’t spend time with Brienne for one week.”

Jaime snapped his head up from where he was piping icing and looked at him with wide, horrified eyes, “You think it might be a whole week?”

* * *

“Jon, how do I get Podrick to like me?”

“I know nothing about kids, Jaime.”

“Do you think it’s my beard?”

“I’d keep the beard,” Jon knew the beard did things to some people. He glanced over at Brienne who was proudly watching Podrick knead his own little ball of bread dough. He _did not_ take a good, hard look at himself and his own attachment to Jaime’s scruff.

“Do you think it was what I was wearing the first day?”

“I know nothing, Jaime.”

“What about if I gave him a toy? What are kids into these days, Jon?”

“Children, zip. Nothing. Blank.”

“Gods you’re unhelpful.”

“That’s what I’ve been trying to say. However, if you would just listen—“

“Brienne is such a good listener. Maybe that’s what I need to be, a better listener.”

Jon was ready to slam his face into his newly baked cake.

* * *

The third rule of surviving Jaime’s borderline obsession with Brienne was to have a way to deal with the stress.

“My gods,” Arya murmured as her eyes scanned over Jon’s kitchen. Every surface was covered in baked goods.

The timer dinged and Jon took out another cake. This one was a carrot cake that had walnuts mixed in with the batter.

“Jaime and Brienne again?”

Two sheets of chocolate chip peanut butter cookies went into the oven next.

Arya climbed onto one of the stools situated on the other side of his kitchen island and grabbed one of the red velvet cupcakes. “Have I ever told you how happy I am that you’re a stress baker?”

“Call Sansa, lemon cakes are the next batch.”

Arya stuffed the whole cupcake into her mouth and pulled out her phone while reaching for a chili chocolate brownie.

* * *

“Gods, I love your snickerdoodles,” Jaime groaned, “What made you decide to make them last night?”

“No reason,” Jon replied. He still had half a kitchen of baked goods to pilfer off to some happy homes. Although the Stark brood was fairly big, they were no match for his stress baking. 

They both watched as Brienne got up from her seat and walked towards them. “Can you keep an eye on Podrick for a moment?” she asked. “He should be fine by himself for a few minutes, he has some colouring sheets, but just in case. I just need to go and check on something in the kitchen.”

They both nodded at her and Brienne gave them one of her big toothy smiles. Jon knew without a doubt the expression that was on Jaime’s face at that exact moment. He didn’t even need to look. He looked anyway. And indeed the man was watching Brienne re-enter the kitchen with utter adoration.

Jon sighed and tried again, “Jaime, you do know she likes—“

“Gods Jon, she doesn’t just like, she loves her job and she’s just so good at it. If her bread didn’t sell out every day, I would take all the leftover loafs home with me and they’d be gone by the next morning.”

Jon summoned rule two and took a deep breath. “You know you could just ask her to make an extra loaf just for you.”

Jaime looked over at him with big, soulful eyes. The expression almost didn’t belong on his too handsome face. Weren’t men that looked like Jaime supposed to look suave and sexy? Why was it that giant, glittering, love-lorne eyes were just as attractive? Even when they were meant for someone else. “Do you think she would?”

Jon resisted the urge to whap Jaime over the head, “Of course she would.”

“A-are those sn-snickerdoos?”

Both men turned in unison to see Podrick, his eyes only just peeking over the edge, hovering at their table. Hovering at the table right by Jaime’s side. Hovering right by Jaime’s side with no fear. It was like watching a lion pounce, “They are snickerdoodles. Jon made them. Would you like one Podrick?” Jaime asked.

Podrick looked up at Jaime with wide, almost too innocent, brown eyes, “Brienee calls me, P-Pod.”

Jaime’s eyes softened and he slid off his chair and kneeled so that he was of height with the boy. Something in Jon panged at the image. “Would you like a snickerdoodle, Pod?”

“C-can I?”

Jaime swiped one of the snickerdoodles off the plate, but then paused before he handed it over to Podrick, “Are you allergic to anything?”

“A-allergic?”

“Take a seat, Pod. We’ll ask… Brienee if you can have these snickerdoodles when she comes back,” Jon said.

Podrick stared at the chair beside Jaime. “Do you need help getting up buddy?” Jaime asked. Podrick looked over at him and nodded shyly. “Can I help you?”

“Can you carry me?”

Jaime stared at the child dumbly for a second before he nodded, “If you would like.”

Podrick raised his arms. Jon watched as Jaime hefted Podrick into his embrace and at that exact second Brienne came out of the kitchen doors. Her eyes widened at the sight.

Jaime grinned at her, “Look Brienee, Pod and I are friends now. Aren’t we?” Jaime shifted so that he could look at the boy’s face.

For one second, before Jaime got a good look, both Brienne and Pod looked absurdly panicked. Podrick didn’t reply to Jaime’s question but buried his nose into the crook of his shoulder, but turned his face so that he could peek at Brienne. Brienne approached the pair of them as though she was afraid that lightning would strike her at any second. But the moment she was in front of them, she whispered very softly, “I guess you two are friends new,” and patted Podrick comfortingly on his small back.

Podrick looked up at her with watery eyes and Brienne gave him an encouraging smile.

All Jon could think was that something was definitely up.

* * *

Things returned back to normal with the discovery that Podrick wasn’t so scared of Jaime after all. Actually they didn’t go back to _normal_ per say. Instead of bothering Jon with constant praises of Brienne, Jaime now had a little friend who was just as eager to rave about how great “Brienee” was. Podrick had spent the rest of the day on Jaime’s lap at the decorating station as Jaime showed him how to pipe icing flowers, pulling out all the stops to impress the boy. Jon baked a tin of cupcakes just for Podrick to try out his new found skills at the end of the day. They all ate the sugary messes together, although Brienne looked decidedly uncomfortable during the whole meal. Okay, so it wasn’t normal at all.

After work, instead of going to the pub like they usually did, they instead went to the park. Podrick was once again nestled in Jaime’s arms as the boy pointed out things that he thought were cool and Jaime seemed _still_ genuinely delighted that the child had decided he was worthy. Meanwhile, Brienne was now the one lurking awkwardly with Jon. “What _are_ you doing, Brienne?” Jon asked as he turned his head to see her ineffectively try and hide behind him. 

“Please, just… just let me do this.”

“I don’t even understand what you’re doing.”

“I’m hiding Jon, okay?” Brienne hissed.

Jon’s eyebrow quirked as he looked back towards the duo, who both seemed to be having a wonderful time by a small pond pointing at ducks. “Do I dare ask what you’re hiding from?”

She let out a sigh, “Can you keep a secret?”

Jon thought about it. The things he had been trying to tell Jaime and Brienne for years now was hardly a secret. Everyone knew the truth other than the two of them. “Yes.”

“Pod was never scared of Jaime,” she muttered, her cheeks colouring in a deep red, blotchy blush.

“What?” Brienne grabbed his head to prevent him from spinning around and gaping at her. All his pain during the last week, for nothing? “I just… that first day when Jaime approached Pod… it was self preservation.”

“Self preservation?” he asked slowly. She lowered her hands to his shoulders and rested her forehead on the crown of his head. They could do that, his two monstrously tall friends. He was only a little bitter about it. 

“Jon,” Brienne practically whined, “You can’t tell me you don’t see it?”

Jon looked over at Jaime who was tossing them curious, somewhat pouty glances, but was otherwise preoccupied with finding a rock with Podrick. The two of them did look oddly domestic. Jaime would probably make a wonderful father someday, if the two of them ever got their heads out of their… “Oh.” _That_ was what the pang had been. 

Brienne practically whimpered. “I know it’s a tad cliché but my ovaries are at threat of exploding any moment now.”

Jon tried not to laugh, “That seems… rough.”

“I feel so bad. Pod agreed to play along, but he was so worried he’d upset me earlier and…”

“I think he’s okay. He seems to be perfectly happy hearing Jaime rave about you.” 

“Jaime doesn’t _rave_ about me.”

Jon pursed his lips. The first rule of surviving Brienne’s complete disbelief that Jaime could feel anything more for her than friendship was to not scream. Because Brienne was Brienne, he _had_ been able to get a word in edgewise for years, unlike a certain someone else, but also because Brienne was Brienne, she steadfastly refused to believe that Jaime could consider her anything more than a friend. It was _infuriating_ to say the least.

* * *

Jon snuck Podrick away to one of the bakery offices while Jaime and Brienne blatantly flirted with each other. He knelt down in front of the boy. “Pod, I have a special mission for you.”

“M-mission?” Podrick looked up at him with such excitement.

“You know Brienee and Jamee?” Podrick nodded enthusiastically. “Well, Pod, they are in love.”

“Like m-mama and papa.”

Jon’s eyes narrowed. Was he about to discover his life’s current greatest mystery? “Who are your mama and papa?”

“Brienee and Jamee.”

Jon couldn’t help but let out an amused snort. “No, I mean… well actually, that’s not important right now. But yes, they are in love with one another, but they aren’t very good at telling each other.”

Podrick frowned, “That’s… s-sad.”

Jon nodded, “Very sad.” And annoying. “So Pod, your mission is to help me get them together. Do you think you can do that?”

Pod gave him a big toothy grin and patted both his cheeks, “Yes!”

* * *

Jon had to hand it to the boy. He was ruthlessly efficient. 

“M-mama and papa—“

“Who are your mama and papa, Pod?” Jaime quickly asked. Truly, it _was_ the most important question.

Brienne nudged his side none too gently with her elbow, “Shush Jaime. You just interrupted him!” It seemed like the way she had decided to deal with the whole exploding ovaries situation was to be as aggressive as possible. It checked out. This was what she always did when her feelings for Jaime were just a little bit too close to the surface. 

Jaime huffed, “You’ve got to admit it’s strange you’re not telling me Brienee. Strange!”

She scowled, “Stop calling me, Brienee.” Big watery eyes turned towards her. “You can call me Brienee, Pod,” she amended gently. 

Podrick nodded, appeased, and restarted, “Mama and papa l-love each other very much, most in the world! Jon, w-who do you love most in the world?”

“I’m closest to my cousin, Arya.”

Jaime held a hand to his heart, “I’m hurt, Jon.” Jon leveled a glare at Jaime. Even if the infuriating man was at the top of the pile, which he was _not_ , only precariously close to it, Jon would never admit it out loud, particularly to him of all people.

“How about you Brienee?”

Brienne turned a very bright shade of scarlet. Jaime tilted his head in curiosity, but Podrick wisely chose to move on. “A-and you Jamee?”

“Well Pod, I think it would have to be—“

Brienne suddenly stood up, her palms slamming on the table. Jon internally sighed. Who _did_ she think Jaime would say? “Sorry. I need to go check on… the… baking powder… levels.” Quicker than a shot, Brienne disappeared into the kitchen.

Jaime’s mouth was still hanging half open. 

“You should check on her,” Jon said dryly, knowing, just knowing that nothing would come of it.

Jaime nodded and stood up, “You’ll be okay alone with Pod?”

Jon glanced over at the six year old, who beamed at him, “I should be alright.”

Jaime nodded and rushed after Brienne. As soon as he disappeared into the kitchen, Pod hopped off his chair and grabbed Jon’s hand, dragging him in the same direction. “What are you…?”

“N-now, we lock the door.”

“We can’t lock this door, Pod.”

Pod stared up at him and very seriously said, “T-then we block it.”

Honestly, whose child was this?

* * *

Thinking back on it, Jon should have sacrificed the sanctity of the kitchen to get the two idiots together. Because this was getting intolerable. “Jaime! Get back over here,” Jon shouted, aggrieved. 

The trio in the bread kitchen looked up over at him. Brienne was the only one who looked sheepish even though she was the one that was actually doing her job. Jaime plodded back to the decorating station, washed his hands, and began working on decorating the backlog of cakes that had accumulated in his absence. Podrick had the audacity to shoot Jon a look of pure disappointment. Apparently, he had just disrupted another of Podrick’s schemes. “Thanks for ending the dream, Jon,” Jaime muttered as he filled several piping bags with colourful icing.

“Was it everything you thought it would be?” Jon asked sarcastically.

Jaime huffed, “More. Her hands are so warm and just a touch rough, but the way she guides people is really gentle–”

“I’m sorry I asked,” Jon mumbled. He watched as somehow Jaime managed to finish intricately decorating the first cake in a matter of minutes. “I wish you had this kind of dedication all the time.”

“I can decorate faster than a cake bakes,” Jaime said, throwing him a smirk. “Plus I’m motivated to go back to the bread kitchen–”

Jon snorted, “Right, _the bread kitchen_ , and you would go back to the bread kitchen even if Brienne wasn’t there.”

Jaime grinned and shrugged, grabbing fondant sheets for the second cake. “You know me so well.”

“I know both of you very well,” was his voice getting ever so slightly hysterical? Maybe it was, but he was going to roll with it. “For example, I know that Brienne–”

“Would never wander over here?” No, that hadn’t been what Jon was going to say _at all_. “She’s so diligent and focused. If it wasn’t for me she would go to bed dreaming of bread. Wait, do you think she dreams of me Jon?” Jaime looked so despicably hopeful.

Jon debated the merits of saying, “Yes, she undoubtedly dreams of you. More recently as the future father of her future children. But who was to say.”

He was to say. But he didn’t say it.

* * *

He had been the subject of judgement for far too long. No more could he stand the look that Podrick shot him every day that Brienee and Jamee were _still_ not together. He wanted to tell the kid to try living like this for _years_ and see how it changed you. But that was being drastic.

Well no, _this_ was being drastic. He couldn’t believe he was about to emulate the schemes of a six year old. “Jaime! Brienne! Can you both come here and help me get this down?”

He heard Jaime cackle and make a quip about his height and heard Brienne scold him. It didn’t matter, he had lived with being the valley between two mountains for years now. The mockery would be worth the end of this ridiculousness. 

Brienne poked her head into the dry goods pantry, “What do you need help with?”

“The bag of flour _someone_ put on the top shelf. I’ll watch Pod while you two get it down.”

“I can do it myself,” Brienne replied with furrowed brows.

“For health and safety reasons, I would feel better if Jaime assisted you.”

“Gods Jon. When did you become a stickler for health and safety?” Jaime asked with a quirked brow.

Brienne frowned and proved that indeed Jon knew her well enough, “No, Jon’s right.”

“Well we always knew you were one,” Jaime teased her affectionately.

Brienne huffed. Jon shuffled out of the pantry as the two of them shuffled in. “Why is the pantry so empty?” Brienne asked. The moment he was over the threshold, Jon slammed the door shut behind him and locked it. Inside, two muffled shouts could be heard. “Now talk!” He demanded.

Jon then took in two large gulps of air. The bag of flour was the only sacrifice. The rest of the ingredients had been transported to his work bench for safekeeping until the job was done.

“You are the c-chosen one.” Jon turned to see Podrick beaming at him, not at all perturbed by the turn of events. It was as though he had expected it to happen.

Jon let out a long sigh and stretched out the crick in his neck, “Pod, let’s eat some cake.”

“Yes!”

Jon unlocked the pantry door an hour later, but considering the muffled noises inside, Jaime and Brienne wouldn’t notice for a while yet.

He wrote himself a reminder to sanitize the pantry before he moved all of the ingredients back in.

* * *

_Never_ had Jon considered the idea that it could get worse. In hindsight, he had been a _fool_.

“Brienne always snuffles when she’s about to fall asleep without fail. Whether it’s at night or when she has a nap. Once in a while her brow furrows when she wakes up, and that’s when I know that she’s had a disconcerting dream though not necessarily a nightmare, but it goes away when I caress or kiss her right brow, and only her right brow. If I touch her left one then she only scowls even more, do you want to see a picture of her sleep scowl, Jon?”

Jon didn’t even need to reply as Jaime set down all of his tools, pulled out his phone for what was the sixth time this hour and showed him another picture of Brienne. This time her cheek was resting on Jaime’s bare shoulder and morning light flooded the image. He looked so deliriously happy in the selfie. It made Jon’s heart flutter. Jaime put his phone away, washed his hands again and then went right back to work. 

And also right back to blathering. “She likes her eggs sunny side up and her toast barely toasted. I always get a smile from her if I can position everything on the plate so that the bacon makes a smiley face.”

Jon sighed and looked over to the bread kitchen where Brienne was giving him pitying glances while shaping several baguettes, Podrick _still_ hovering at her hip. He gave her a long suffering nod of acknowledgement and the corners of her lips quirked. Maybe she would pity him enough to tell him where Podrick had come from. He knew Jaime also somehow still didn’t know. It was the _one_ point of half-baked contention between them. 

“Brienne also likes her dishes put away in a very specific way and although she never complains when someone else stacks them differently, I’ve seen her sneak into the kitchen when she thinks I’m not paying attention to reshuffle them. So I’m trying to learn her system.”

Jaime would have to run out anecdotes eventually, right? 

Jon knew with absolute certainty that he would not.

“Jon.” He looked over at Jaime who was staring at him intently, a small frown on his face. “I talk about Brienne too much, don’t I?”

Jon sighed and gave him a small, but genuine smile.

The final rule of surviving Jaime’s borderline obsession with Brienne was to just acknowledge that he wouldn’t have it any other way.


End file.
